Source – CRESTVIEW, FL (WCMH) — A Florida couple was arrested Wednesday morning after police say the wife hit her husband with a burrito and the husband responded by stabbing his wife with a fork.
Deputies say the 51-year-old Suzanne Hurlvert hit 66-year-old Carl Owen Smith in the back of the head with a half-eaten Burrito Supreme during an argument over his alcohol consumption.
Smith then responded by stabbing Hurlvert in the hand with a fork he was using to eat a Taco Bell pizza and left the home. The fork was so deeply embedded, they had to be removed by doctors at a nearby hospital.
When deputies arrived, Hurlvert was still there, relatively calm, but with a fork sticking out of her hand. Deputies noted portions of the burrito were found scattered around the room.
I have one question: how long before the incident did they get the Burrito Supreme? Not that it makes the fork stabbing any less reprehensible, but if you’ve ever let a Taco Bell burrito sit out for more than 45 minutes, you know that it literally turns into a steel sheet filled with little gravel-like shreds of shrapnel. Completely inedible, and something I would definitely consider a weapon. There’s a reason those burritos cost less than a dollar.
We also need to shed some light on the fact that the guy was using a fork to eat a Taco Bell pizza. Psychopath type shit.
It’s not like he was eating a gourmet pizza that requires a knife and fork. We’re talking about a Taco Bell pizza here. I honestly didn’t know they made pizza. But if there’s one thing I know – the only instance you would need a fork for Taco Bell pizza, would be if it stayed out for a little while and turned into a frisbee.
So based on those inferences, here’s my theory: The guy must have been the one to pick up the food while she waited at home. Along the way, something stopped him from bringing it home in time. He took too long, and that mistake sealed his fate. Maybe he got stuck in traffic. Maybe he had to say hi to his buddies and hang outside the liquor store for a while slugging cheap vodka nips. Whatever the issue was, he returned home with a petrified fossil-like Burrito and Pizza – and she went into a fit of rage, as anyone would in that situation.
It’s simple. She goes for a bite of the Burrito Supreme, probably chips a tooth, and then decides to grab the nearest weapon(her own burrito) and use it as a potential instrument of death.
Meanwhile, the guy is most likely just as angry to begin with because he can’t even fold his pizza and take a bite. He begrudgingly grabbed a fork in an attempt to salvage his meal – and out of nowhere – he gets wacked in the side of the head with what might as well have been a steel burrito.
This whole situation could have been avoided if they just ate the Taco Bell within the food’s five-to-ten minute life span. Or if they just stopped eating the nasty food at Taco Bell all together.